Monday, September 26, 2011

When did this happen?

Today I woke up feeling old. O-L-D old. I'm pretty sure it'll go away by tomorrow, but I got up this morning with a sore neck and generally feeling like I'd been run over by a train which backed up and then ran over me again. And trains don't back up, my friends.

The puzzling (read: worrying) thing about the whole situation is that I haven't really exerted myself physically. Just the normal kind of running and gym stuff. I guess I didn't get a whole lot of sleep over the weekend, which I hadn't thought of until now. That makes me feel kind of better, that there may at least be some exacerbating circumstances and it's not just that life has now managed to beat my ass, at least temporarily. I'm going to go ahead and say no, I'm not willing to give in yet, but this is at least a scare.

I scheduled my Oral Assessment for the Department of State today. It will be December 2. So look out.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Odds and ends, odds and ends...

...lost time is not found again!

A little more than a year and a half ago (and my, how time does fly) I was at the culminating four day Field Training Exercise (FTX) at Basic Combat Training in Fort Jackson, South Carolina. Pretty much everyone in the platoon (the company, the battalion?) had been dreading it, because it was extremely cold and we knew we'd be sleeping in tents and doing some kind of BS all day, every day. We got the living crap smoked out of us the first night, in the sand, so that was a rocky start. Even before we got there, I was dreading it, and I was pretty sure the four days would never end.

As it happened, the four days went by pretty quickly, and when we finished, I thought, "Wow, I thought this day would never get here, and here I am, at the end of FTX." My immediate next thought was this: I'm going to die someday. Someday, I will be thinking, "Wow, I thought this day would never get here, and here I am, at the end of my life."

It was kind of an unsettling feeling.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

My thoughts on the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Let me preface this by saying I'm not a homophobe, never have been, and never will be. I know plenty of gay people who are absolutely wonderful, and I know plenty of gay people who I'd rather not be around. I would say the ratio of good gays to bad gays in my life roughly approximates the ratio of good straights to bad straights. To be honest with you, I couldn't care less about a person's sexual orientation. Maybe being gay is a big part of who you are. Great. I don't care. Maybe being straight is a big part of you you are. Fantastic. Really not interested in your sex life, at all.

With that being said...

On a practical level, I personally didn't have much of a problem with Don't Ask, Don't Tell at the beginning. I just figured that since gays weren't necessarily barred from serving (and believe you me, I have a pretty accurate gaydar and I know damn well I've run across more than a few in my two years in the military) then if a man or a woman was that interested in serving the United States of America in its military, either that desire to serve trumped coming out or it didn't. If you're that patriotic and gung ho about being a soldier, maybe it shouldn't be so difficult to keep your sexuality a little extra private. But after about 30 seconds of considering that, I realized it was complete BS. The philosophical me has a pretty big problem with treating gays like second class citizens, especially if they are willing to fight and die in our nation's military. Why should straight soldiers be able to carry on ad nauseum about their sexual exploits, yet gays are compelled to keep everything about that part of their lives to themselves, or risk being discharged? Being a thinking, reasoning person, I just can't abide it.

So, philosophically I think it's a good thing that gays can now openly serve. What are the practical implications, though?

As with anything, I think it's kind of hard to tell, but here's my best guess:

Most gay people I know aren't all that flamboyant, are very respectful of others' boundaries, and are private about their sex lives. I would say most are pretty much like straight people in this regard (as with just about everything else aside from having sex with partners whose genitalia match their own). There is, however, that gay stereotype that we all know and love, and stereotypes don't just fall out of the sky. I have certainly run across my fair share of absolutely flaming homosexuals.

Most soldiers I know aren't all that macho and brutish, are thinking and reasoning people, and are more or less willing to live and let live. I would say that most are pretty much like civilians in this regard (as with just about everything else aside from having being shot at as part of their job descriptions). There is, however, that soldier stereotype that we all know and love, and stereotypes don't just fall out of the sky. I have certainly run across my fair share of absolutely moronic soldiers.

For a little while, those stereotypical soldiers and those stereotypical gays are going to have a go at each other, and I predict that there will be isolated and tragic incidents. I think it's almost unavoidable, as some gays (probably the ones that most other gays can't stand to be around) will find the temptation to prove all their critics right irresistible, and some soldiers (probably the more bi-curious ones) will find the temptation to prove they're not gay by stomping a queer irresistible. It's obvious who will be in the wrong in these cases (and lord, do I hope I'm wrong about them), but those situations could be avoided if people were smart about things.

In the long run, however, I can't imagine there will be a massive flock of gays hanging around military recruiters' offices, and I suspect that the percentage of gay soldiers in the military will be for all intents and purposes similar to what it was before Don't Ask, Don't Tell ended. This means that if there is a gay soldier in the shower with you now, he was probably there with you before, and it's unlikely he was looking at your junk with any more curiosity than the straight dude on the other side of you then or now, so chill out about it.

Things will shake out, cooler heads will prevail, and in the long run (despite the macho culture), this is going to be a non-issue in the military, and our society as a whole will have taken a quiet, but important, step forward.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Second time's a charm?

This morning, as I suspected I would based on the intelligence I'd been able to gather, I got an e-mail letting me know my results letter from the State Department's Qualification Evaluation Panel was ready to be downloaded.

Okay, let me stop here to explain something. I don't get nervous. When I was younger, I got nervous all the time. For whatever reason, though, a while back I just got over it. The first few times this came up in conversation with others, I realized how ridiculous it sounded when I told people. I'll admit that if I weren't me, I wouldn't believe myself, but facts are facts, ma'am. Anyway, I started to think about why that might be, and this is the conclusion that I reached (it's not a particularly profound conclusion): I'm really just not that afraid of death, and the chances of someone immolating me are so slim that it's not worth worrying about. So when I start to think about any situation and the worst possible outcome, anything short of immolation is not worth worrying about either. If something "bad" happens, I'll fix it or get through it, or whatever. The bottom line is that in a lot of situations in which other people would get butterflies in their stomachs, or sweaty palms, or a racing pulse, I don't. Simple as that. Someone points a flamethrower at me, all that might change.

When I saw the e-mail today, though, I got nervous.

It was really strange. My pulse immediately quickened and I felt flush. My breathing became shallow, and the world around me seemed to darken a bit. It really took me aback, and I tried to remember the last time this happened to me. And then I remembered. It was the last time I got one of these e-mails, in June of 2008.

I actually wouldn't click on the link to access the letter until I'd settled down enough to satisfy my pride. Click, click, username, password, slight pause, "Congratulations! Based on a comprehensive review of your candidate file, you have been selected to participate in the next step of the Foreign Service Officer selection process, the Oral Assessment," adrenaline dump.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy about the news, but I'd also be lying if I told you I took it for granted that I'd get an invitation. I thought it was pretty likely, since I got the invitation three years ago and I've packed quite a bit of living and experience into those three years (not to mention a DoD Top Secret clearance). But if there's anything the entire Foreign Service process taught me the first time around, it is that I can't take anything for granted. I thought I had everything sewn up way back then when I passed the Oral Assessment, and we all know how that turned out. So, I am happy that lightning is striking twice as far as the invitation goes, but I know there's still a long road ahead of me. But, if I passed it once, I can pass it again. I´ll prepare a little more this time around, go in a little more relaxed, and hopefully prove once again that I'm an excellent candidate.

Anyway, that's my big news for the day. That, and I went to the gym for the first time since early July. Which was also good.

TTFN.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Since last we spoke...

...not a whole hell of a lot has happened.

I transferred from my excruciatingly boring National Guard assignment doing surveillance to a much, much more interesting and fun National Guard assignment as a criminal analyst. I actually work about 20% more hours, but beyond that, life is sooooo much better than it was before. Actually, the 20% longer workweek is not really much of an issue, since I really enjoy what I do, and love my co-workers. It's actually a pleasure to go into the office Monday through Friday, and I am learning a lot and feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, so that's great.

I continue to read a lot. Last month I read 9 books on Rwanda, and though I've slowed down the pace considerably in September, I'm continuing to turn the pages. I've got another book or two to go on Rwanda, and then I'll move on to the Congo. I always suspected that Africa was a fascinating place (and, let's be honest, most places are fascinating if you have a sufficiently curious nature), but I've really gotten wrapped up in it. It's nice to learn things that are completely new to me. I feel smarter and smarter every day.

Since I absolutely suck at this blogging thing, I feel like I should pace myself a bit, so I'm about to wrap this up. I have signed up for a couple upcoming races (a 5-miler in Sunland Park next Sunday and then a 10K at the end of October). There's only so much prep-time available for the 5-miler, so I'm not really sweating that one too much. I'm setting a not-so-ambitious goal of a 37 minute finish time for that one. I am, however, going to start an honest to god six-week training program for the 10K, which is something I have never done in my life. I've run a couple 10Ks, but never actually trained for one, so to speak. I'll probably use that as some kind of motivation to blog. You know, tracking my progress and all.

Hopefully, the act of putting pen to paper (or putting my fingers to the keys, as it were) regarding the training will lead to writing here about other things too, though I am highly skeptical.

TTFN